Why there is currently no running water in the facility…

ATTN: All Staff, specifically, DE-6

It is with great sadness when any member of our non Non-Person-Clone staff passes away, as was the case last Tuesday; however this post isn’t to address his passing so much as it was the funeral service that has once again forced us to make a few changes around here. It was no secret that general contractor John Elvis ‘Thor’ Fanaka from construction crew Delta-Echo6, had never missed an opportunity to speak of his “Viking heritage,” a bit of information we’ve always found questionable at best, given the fact the he was born in Kenya, and had absolutely no “Nordic” traits whatsoever. We understand that those close to him had wanted to honor his adopted heritage, and keep in line with what we’ve learned was his last request as the scaffolding to which he clung so dearly, in his last moments, collapsed.

It is however the nature in which his “Norse funeral” was carried out, that we would like to address (not to mention breaking into the morgue). We would like to make it perfectly clear that the artificial river feeding into the water treatment plant is NOT to be used for the disposal of dead bodies. Even though the large mashers were able to break up the flaming door on which he was afloat (also, mystery solved on where Dr. Teller Wittman’s office door went), the larger half of the corpse got stuck in an intake scrubber, shutting the entire plant down. This also poses a serious health risk.

As maintenance crews fish out the body and repair the station, we have had to order tens of thousands of dollars worth of bottled water, which thanks to the unsolved problem of teleporting un-dissolved water, has to be flown in, at even greater expense (water is heavy, fuel is expensive).

As for the crew of DE-6, we know you meant well, but in the future, come to us first. From now on we will also be assigning security staff to that location, 24/7. Anyone not authorized to be there will be removed and their activities reported. We will also have a wire mesh installed along the length said river.

In the meantime, we have set up a water distribution center near the security checkpoint at the base of the Atrium. Please help spread the word to your fellow workers. Limit is 10, 500mL bottles, per person, a day, and 4 for DE-6 personnel.